Driving lessons

I have always considered myself a fairly proficient driver. That's a lie - I am quite confident that I am the best there is on gods green earth. Years of commuting from the East Rand, which isn't exactly the center of the universe has grounded me in the art.

Jade and I at the ICC

And so I was quietly confident and a little excited when I got offered the opportunity to do some real 'student work'. Fly down to Durban and drive some self indulged golf day patrons around in top end Beamers all day. And then sit on the beach and drink beer while they hacked their way around Serengeti (sic) golf estate.

It turned into an amazing weekend spent with my girlfriend (who organised the 'work' for me). I have however come back with a new respect for just how primitive my baby Volksie polo is in comparison to these behemoths of the road.

Being given the key to a BMW 550 for the first time, one does not simply jump in and put their sheets to the wind. First you need to locate the key slot. I spent five futile minutes devoted to this task before being told by a bemused looking car attendant that it had key less start.

'Right,' I nodded as if I had known this all along and was testing him, 'To the off!' and I reached forward and pumped the engine start button. But to no avail. Foot on the brake, try again.

Eventually I had the extremely quiet 5 liter engine humming gently and hoping against hope that the car wouldn't once again thwart my efforts to get going, I applied some gas.

My first attempt at reverse parking an X6 - with German precision!

The car immediately started beeping in an aggressive manner and the heads up display gave me the evil eye. The hand brake was still up I was told from the now laughing attendant who thrust his head through the open window to give me guidance.

 Eventually... I eased away from the fleet pickup, ego slightly tarnished but ready for a weekend of aggressive driving that had more than a few other close shaves in million rand vehicles.

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

 - Charles Bukowski

Old, dusty pictures of the Fish River canyon

The wait is finally over, lets get going!

Getting flipped off by the locals.

Roadhouses aren't only found on the East and West rand, Namibia is also a fan of the drive in delicacy.

The second biggest canyon in the world. Pictures don't do it justice.

Our constant companion for the five day hike along the river bed. 

Rest stops and bathroom breaks are the primary use of the sparse foliage in the canyon.

The sun was not our friend. Temperatures regularly exceeded 30 degrees, even though it was the middle of winter.

Setting up camp on the first night. To save weight I had decided not to bring a tent... 

Blue moon. Constant annoyance to the weary hiker trying to get a few hours sleep.

The canyon is 95km long and should take around 5 days to complete.

Didn't see the footprints in the sand until after I had taken this picture. But you aren't supposed to admit that.. I aimed to portray the desolation of the canyon through a series of deeply thought out visual layers.

'Yes, that is definitely Table mountain.' - Heard at every bend 

Day three. Significantly smelly to warrant setting up a washing line.

Excuse me while I kiss the sky. 

Is in no way a relevant caption for this image, but its a song that is stuck in my head.

Ais-Ais, a perfect example of a monopoly justifying poor service and high prices. Telkom could learn from these guys! 

That blue note

I started playing guitar as a way of staving off boredom during compulsory prep sessions at boarding school. Convincing my house master that I was part of the school orchestra was no mean feat considering my basic grasp of the D and G chords. But I have continued playing ever since and it is probably the one constant in my life.

And so to my new personal Everest - becoming proficient in the blues. At the moment I am being inundated with theory; the correct way to approach certain notes, phrasing, minor fifths and lots and lots of trying to imitate the great guitarists. 

Of course whenever you learn something new you are bound to become disheartened at one point or another. Thank God for YouTube and these little beauties that keep me learning...

Eric Clapton is often ranked as the best guitarist of all time. His technical style is extremely smooth and comes from years of imitating other artists such as Muddy Waters.

Layla is one of Clapton's most intimate songs. He wrote it for British model Pattie Boyd who at the time was married to Beetle George Harrison. Listening to the words you can hear the anguish and frustration in his voice.

But it worked, he was able to convince her to divorce Harrison and a few years later they got married - no small feat considering it was at the peak of the Beetles fame.The iconic riff of the song was later translated into an acoustic version that is as iconic as the original.

The guitar Clapton plays in the video is called 'Blackie' and is probably the most famous guitar of all time.

While technically a country or blue grass musician, Albert Lee's mastery of the guitar is second to none. His iconic 'chicken picking' style is illustrated perfectly in this song. The extremely beautiful Theresa Anderson accompanies on the violin with a cry baby effected solo thrown in for good measure.

Why do all the good die young? Stevie Ray Vaughan.

And finally, here's a plug for one of my mates from school who is currently doing great stuff in the Durban music scene. The sir Walrus band is their name, go check them out on YouTube!

Interview with Bruce Fordyce

I recently sat down with Bruce at his Parktown home to discuss his new project, parkrun. We also talked about the Lance Armstrong doping scandal and his comrades legacy.

Cold opening: The presidential debate

Its often said that the best humor isn't far from the truth. And the SNL mock presidential debate delivered that in bucketfuls. Hosted by the University of Colorado, the real debate saw a tired looking Obama unable to offer any real defense to the Romney debate. While Romney has been criticized for flip flopping his position on numerous key issues.

The skit which formed the lead for the popular American television show featured newcomer to the SNL cast Jay Pharoah depicting the president while Jason Sudeikis played Romney. The usually left leaning show had no problem in its new role of Obama bashing as it took him  to the cleaners.

Pointing fun at why he seemed so disconnected during the debate, the skit questioned whether he had forgotten about his anniversary (the same night as the debate) or was even struggling with the high altitude in Colorado.

Whatever the reason, it allowed Romney the opportunity to unveil his plan for the country which involves '41 basic elements, including six abrupt reversals of position and three outright lies.' This absurd statement fails to get a rise out of Obama who is still desperately trying to formulate a way to get a last minute anniversary gift for Michelle.

With Obama struggling to stay awake, the skit culminates with Romney claiming that he killed Osama bin Laden.

Another skit on the show has a MSNBC executive struggling to come up with reasons for the poor debate by the incumbent president. His conclusion is that their was a freaky friday-esque switch after Obama and Romney wondered what it must be like, each raising the others kids.

In real life, their are two more rounds to the debate and the competition promises to only get hotter as the candidates fight over the infamous six percent - the number of undecided voters who analysts suspect will decide this, the tightest of elections.

The skit as well as full debate can be found on YouTube.

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Shades of Gray

Having recently conducted a skype interview with HIV researcher Dr. Glenda Gray, I was interested to hear her speaking about the political aspect of what she does. While she is in no way involved with government (although she did help write the Aids bill in 1994) she has had tumultuous relationships with government members. This is a subversive look at the dark side of the beast.

Trying to get funding for the roll out of the drugs she develops seemed to be the order of the day and  that some ministers have been more helpful than others. Screaming matches and phone tapping was all she could expect from the late Dr.Manto Tshabalala-Msimang who was an Aids denialist and would regularly call Dr. Gray to her office to try and shock her.

Allowing drugs to be sent to other hospitals who didn't have stock would result in angry phone calls asking how she dare allow the drugs to be administered.This for a drug that costs R10 and is proven to almost completely prevent the passing on of HIV to unborn babies.

Dr. Gray and the other researchers became extremely frustrated and disillusioned with the entire system of government and on her receiving the Nelson Mandela health and human rights award she feels, 'We got awarded it to protect us. If you are in trouble in a country, the best thing you can do is elevate the status of the people who questioned... And then you become untouchable.'

The current Minister of health Dr. Aaron Motsoaledi is committed to change. He is fully behind their work and in his personal capacity will perform one thousand circumcision - a key factor in preventing the passing on of HIV from females to males.

 It seems that what we heard in the newspapers about the denialism and 'beetroot' mania under the Mbeki administration didn't even touch the surface of how obsessive and deeply invested they were in their misguided ways. It is also interesting to look back with hindsight and see just how much politicians impact on matters that they may know very little about.

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